Like all the other
first-year students on campus, Monday was my first day of classes! I was so
excited to begin school! Before I even moved on campus for orientation, I
bought myself a brand new messenger bag with a pocket just for my new laptop,
an entire package of Ticonderoga pencils (because everyone knows they are the
best of the best), and a laptop that is so shiny and new that I still wipe off
my fingerprints when I'm done using it. I was so prepared for my first day of
classes! When Monday FINALLY rolled around, I woke up early, laced up my
converse, walked out the door with my head held high...
...and was late to my
first official class as a student at Saint Michael's College.
There is something about
walking into a class full of expectant strangers- dozens and dozens of eyes
staring directly at you- that is extremely humbling.
I was only a minute or two
late, but my shoulders fell as I made my way quickly to the last seat in the
first row of desks. I slouched down in the chair, imagining that I was the
smallest speck on the smallest of small clovers- no easy feat for a
six-foot-tall Vermont girl.
The class began, and I
made sure to stay as quiet as I possibly could. I put myself into the Comfort
Bubble that I perfected in high school. I could look out and take in my
surroundings, but if anyone had looked back, all they would have seen was the
shiny surface that surrounded me.
I want to sidetrack for a moment to explain myself a little. I
come from a small town; there were 140 students in my high school, which was
grades 7-12. My reality has always been that everyone knew everything about
everyone else. No privacy, no chance for a personality change. A little
isolated bubble of forced friendships and never-ending drama.
It wasn’t my favorite situation.
In order to protect myself from the culture of such a small
school, I developed a pretty severe comfort zone that I rarely stepped out of;
I attended leadership conferences and camps, sure, but only when I had a friend
with me to hold my hand the whole way. College was a big, scary new obstacle, a
looming figure of danger, lurking in the shadows in front of me. For the past
two months, almost every one of my waking thoughts has been a fear or worry
about making friends, about fending for myself, about being an adult.
Yeah, the idea of college was terrifying.
So far, however, Saint Mike’s has been nothing but fun. My
O-Leaders were fantastic; they were nice, outgoing, funny- a power team. My
classes have been enjoyable these past few days. My dorm room has become a new
comfort zone, but I have not spent as much time there as I had assumed I was
going to. I have friends whose personalities match mine! And as much as I hate
to admit it, I am looking forward to going to workstudy tomorrow!
So college wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be. I
quickly learned that it is, in fact, acceptable to sit down with complete
strangers in Alliot- even the upperclassmen (which I discovered one day
accidentally, but they have all been so nice- even when they find out I’m a
freshman! If anything, they become friendlier, asking how everything is going!)
My parents visited campus yesterday to drop off my refrigerator, bicycle, and a
few other items, and they didn’t believe me when I told them I had made
friends. They gave each other skeptical looks. It must have been a pleasant
surprise for them when we took a stroll across campus and multiple people
stopped me to say hello or tell me how cute my little brother was. J (Take that, mom and dad!)
Not all of the awkwardness has passed. I still keep one hand on my
bookbag so it doesn’t swing by my side in a wide arc. I still look down at the
sidewalk when I pass a group of people. And I still use Facebook mobile or
pretend to text when I am eating breakfast in Alliot alone, before my friends
have woken up in the mornings. But it’s only been a week, and I’m excited to see
what this whole semester has to offer. J
